The other side of love
I can’t believe this shit. Why do I put up with this nonsense, maybe it’s because I love him. I mean, he says he loves me, and I know he does, right? But he’s always with her. Saying “this time I will leave baby,” “this time I will go.” But then it’s always “it’s not a good time,” “I need her for some particular things,” “after this thing I have to get done.” Just excuses, excuses, excuses. But he makes me feel good. Why can’t I stop loving him? Why do I love him? Fuck? When even love? I wait in the shadows like a bag in the night, flying high but in silence. Never to be seen really. I wait, pretending I don’t care when in fact I care too much. I wait, knowing there will be more excuses, more empty promises, more lies, more hurt and more sex. “You told me you would leave.” I said. “I know, and I will but just. Not. Now,” says he. “Just not now.” I sigh, he kisses me, he leaves. Oh how I love that man. I sleep alone Noah nights, “he’ll be back.” I say; “he always comes back.” Time passes, still passes, and then, just like that (even though “like that” has been four months), we are no more. I see him and her, she is pregnant, he looks happy. He sees me and his smile fades. I get a text, “you look beautiful.” I stare, and stare, and cry. Love lost, lust lost. She won, and I, I have nothin, but this love. This love, the other side of love…the dark side that I never wanted to be in; the side that took me and held me tight, never letting go. I walked away, never looking back at love loving another.